How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
