Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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