no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
