I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
