She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
