Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
