So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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