I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
