I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
