he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i think i just lost a toe
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
