I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
