I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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