I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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