Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
