I feel like abortions should bother me more
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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