Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
