You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
