Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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