dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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