If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
NoShamevember. You game?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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