ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
