If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
