i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
