i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Randomize
