Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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