there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
