i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
