I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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