Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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