I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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