I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
