i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
