so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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