So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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