I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The air was thick with penises
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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