Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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