I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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