I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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