Don't you send me to vm
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
