There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
