Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
pray to the hookup gods
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
