I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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