Can i not drive my cunt home
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
