i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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