she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
