It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
