I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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