I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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