At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
