I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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