u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
