pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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